I Hide

A lyric poem/reflective poem/confessional poem

I wrote this poem while thinking about the faces we put on in public, and even for our own families and loved ones. I recognized specifically that I do this in a way that’s not really faking it, just hiding from myself in a way that I couldn’t pinpoint until I was about to finish the poem. There are some parts of ourselves that we don’t want to “deal with,” and we find our greatest capacity when we face them without fear.

Here’s “I Hide”:

You see me in large rooms, in public place
I greet you so eager and kind
We speak for some time, and then we embrace
And yet my real mind's hard to find
The friendly veneer that I hide behind
Is true enough, and incomplete
The fully formed man for whom you have pined
Lies there behind banter's thick sheet.

I hide in the home, I hide in the street,
I shut myself in everywhere
I hide when I talk, I hide when I eat;
It seems as if I'm fully there
Please don't get me wrong, I do truly care
And mean what I say aloud,
Though my deepest thoughts are never so bare
As to escape my show cloud.

I'm there with the kids, I'm there with the crowd,
And you've not a thing to fear:
I show all the gifts with which I'm endowed;
The image you get is clear
I hide, I'm not fake, a light veneer,
And nothing so bad for my health,
Yet how can I show up fully here
If I'm hidden too from myself?

I go not about with guileful stealth
I simply am partly sedate
I feign not grandeur, let alone wealth,
And never display slightest hate
It isn't my genes, no, it isn't fate:
There's something more here within
The running away is not innate,
For I can see under my skin.

If I focus through the cheery din,
Then I see where the truth abides:
I fear what I'll see when I do look in,
Subconsciously choosing to hide
And what do I think I will find inside,
A monster or killer of men?
A part for which I feel I need a guide,
Although I wouldn't know who can.

The creature who lies inside this deep den
Is not as fearsome as you'd think,
For when I forge forward and reopen,
I see the clear, personal links
The inner subject from whom I shrink
Takes silence to bring to full view,
And if I face what appears to stink,
Then I'll love myself through and through.

Today I’m plugging Denise T. Drapeau, who writes Poems from My View. She’s been writing for a long time, and has an excellent command of different forms of poetry, writing in different styles at a high level for each one.

And if you have a strong inspiration for a book or are looking to flesh out something you’ve already got going in a low-stress, author-rights-centric setting, check out Ether Press or contact me directly here!