Chameleon on Fire

A confessional poem/introspective poem/narrative poem

I’m back to a more personal poem. This came about from a conversation that clarified for me that I often shift my identity to match the situation, neglecting the act of discovering an identity of my own. The poem explores the way this happens and the consequences of that. I had Linkin Park’s “Two Faced” in my head when I was writing, so the rhythm has some similarities to the rhythm in the first verse of that song. Here’s “Chameleon on Fire”:

Color of the ground, surround, no sound
Blend in, fit in, swish and lurk around
The situation is no match for camouflage
And you'll never know that it's a big facade.

My bright coat on fire to match the heat
In and out I burn, bruised and roughly beat
The culprit is me, changing how I will seem
Wasting my zest and time getting myself creamed.

No life of my own, shift to fit the scene,
Wake up now to see it was all a dream
I was really there, and yet I never committed
Just could hide enough not to want to quit it.

The work's done on time, the obligations met,
And I end the days without self-respect,
'Cause the self fades, brightens, and catches fire
As it acts more like a fresh gun for hire.

Pull the paint off now, send the colors back,
Put out the fire and hold on, don't react
When I freeze the shapeshift, what do I see?
Is there something there that I can call me?

The bright flashes here, the hot burning there
Show a muddled portrait of a man so scared
To look upon himself and live a fearless life,
So self-assured to his kids and his wife.

All the blood underneath, all the cuts and scrapes,
Hiding deep down there beneath bright escapes
Will reveal, be healed, no more concealed
Once I get a good read on what's my deal.

I'm not so sure I'll burn, change colors and return
When the real, whole self is defined and relearned
Might be quite something else by the time I'm done,
Yet I know me and my wife will have a lot more fun.

I haven’t been shouting out poets and writers much lately, because I haven’t been reading much lately. Just writing and editing. If you’re looking for more to read, though, come back around to Julie Maibach.